Why Women Sleep More Than Men
Factually Unsupported Musings
Women can sleep more than men for obvious reasons: except for the ones that cheat, lie, and steal, all the rest have a clear conscience. In other words, they are known to make better decisions, which can lead to a happier life. But even when they flub up, they do it from a genuinely good place in their hearts, which keeps them at peace, too.
[insert fart noise]
Ok, that was bullshit but it sounds good.
The truth is women sleep more and better than men because they’re lazier. That’s it. Ok, that’s bullshit, too.
But for real, almost every woman I know sleeps more than I do. And mind you, I have a quasi-immaculate conscience.
All kidding aside, I sleep fairly well. Every night I knock off a good, solid 7-8 hours. But I know women in similar circumstances who can easily sleep 9-10 hours or more.
In my case, the problem lies on the weekends when I have no real need to go to bed early or wake up early the next morning yet I can’t seem to be able to sleep in, whereas most women I know can.
It’s like I’m programmed to sleep the same amount or less every night as if I no longer had control over my circadian rhythm. But let’s not get technical because these are factually unsupported musings.
These women, however, seem to be able to bend their sleep cycles at will, even when they all have 9-5 jobs, husbands, and kids. Yet come the weekend, they can sleep in as much as they want to, and that makes me extremely jealous.
The fact that I wake up at 7 AM sharp every Saturday morning and can’t go back to sleep enrages me. I don’t have children or anything else that requires my being awake at the crack of dawn except for my conscience, which apparently is more than enough.
In short, if men and women have equally clean-ish consciences, and are similarly lazy too, then why the heck can they sleep more than me?
If you have anything clever or nasty to add, please leave a comment.
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My body is so tired from the week, I can't help but sleep through until my youngest gets up, forcing me out of bed.